- No Title -
Last night had a chat with my friend at Ang Mo Kio's McDonalds. I had a cup of Latte - (description taken from McDonalds's official website : Our lattes are made with espresso topped with hot velvety milk, making for an oh-so comforting coffee experience)
Yes, that was the night that I posted 3 blogs in a row. It was around 1.30am when I finished my 3rd blog. Lying on the sofa in the living room with the fan spinning, I couldnt get into sleep. (aiya! my fan in bedroom spoilt! Else you think why I slept @ living room :P )
Brain didn't stop thinking. It just couldnt rest... Thinking of my past, my current and my future life. In the end, still gain nothing from the thoughts.. The "beep" from my brother-in-law's watch had informed me that it was 2am. Duh! I had only 4 hours left to sleep. Started to be nervous, afraid the next day will be sleepy can cannot concentrate in everything. I scolded myself for being useless...
Useless? why?? For the poor relationship communication, poor relationship handling, poor academic performance, poor EQ (hot temper lah!), low income, stupid body - my ankles always hurt, my back always hurt, and I have the stupid 耳鸣. Yes, she doesn't like to see I whine about all this. But now, she doesnt care. So I just whine!
_____________________
Different story now..
One of my friend (girl) told me that if she was my ex, she would definitely do the same to me. I was shocked, puzzled and asked her why? I told her that how much I love my ex, how devoted, how loyal, how nice I wanted to treat my ex....
She cut my words and said, "Why would you plan your marriage with her? Does she feel that you can take care of her? Do you think you are capable of taking her the rest of her life? See how is your life now.. You are pursuing part time study, another 3 years! man!! 3 years!!! How much confidence do you have to succeed to get the degree? How many $ can you save while getting ur PT degree? How much salary you are getting now? She is getting her master while you just get your degree.. She has seen so many foreign cultures while you are still Malaysia & Singapore narrow minded. She is flying high in her career and how far can u soar in ur engineering field? "
I defended myself, saying that she told me because ...... and she doesn't believe in marriage as her relatives are having poor marriage. thinking that she will say she misunderstand me (or her).
Out of surprise, she told me this , "Dont fool urself! Get urself back to reality! There isn't anyone who doesnt want to settle down with a man, whom she thinks that she can rely on. That man must have stable career and income, able to take care of her when she needs. "
This time I dont utter any word. Yes, she got the point. Perhaps I am not compatible, not able to give her 安全感, not able to take care of her...
Well, she finally said a cruel sentence to me, " You are just inferior to her. You are not even qualified to be her substitute. "
Perhaps she is right, perhaps she is wrong. Who knows? The answer is with my ex.
Yes, that was the night that I posted 3 blogs in a row. It was around 1.30am when I finished my 3rd blog. Lying on the sofa in the living room with the fan spinning, I couldnt get into sleep. (aiya! my fan in bedroom spoilt! Else you think why I slept @ living room :P )
Brain didn't stop thinking. It just couldnt rest... Thinking of my past, my current and my future life. In the end, still gain nothing from the thoughts.. The "beep" from my brother-in-law's watch had informed me that it was 2am. Duh! I had only 4 hours left to sleep. Started to be nervous, afraid the next day will be sleepy can cannot concentrate in everything. I scolded myself for being useless...
Useless? why?? For the poor relationship communication, poor relationship handling, poor academic performance, poor EQ (hot temper lah!), low income, stupid body - my ankles always hurt, my back always hurt, and I have the stupid 耳鸣. Yes, she doesn't like to see I whine about all this. But now, she doesnt care. So I just whine!
_____________________
Different story now..
One of my friend (girl) told me that if she was my ex, she would definitely do the same to me. I was shocked, puzzled and asked her why? I told her that how much I love my ex, how devoted, how loyal, how nice I wanted to treat my ex....
She cut my words and said, "Why would you plan your marriage with her? Does she feel that you can take care of her? Do you think you are capable of taking her the rest of her life? See how is your life now.. You are pursuing part time study, another 3 years! man!! 3 years!!! How much confidence do you have to succeed to get the degree? How many $ can you save while getting ur PT degree? How much salary you are getting now? She is getting her master while you just get your degree.. She has seen so many foreign cultures while you are still Malaysia & Singapore narrow minded. She is flying high in her career and how far can u soar in ur engineering field? "
I defended myself, saying that she told me because ...... and she doesn't believe in marriage as her relatives are having poor marriage. thinking that she will say she misunderstand me (or her).
Out of surprise, she told me this , "Dont fool urself! Get urself back to reality! There isn't anyone who doesnt want to settle down with a man, whom she thinks that she can rely on. That man must have stable career and income, able to take care of her when she needs. "
This time I dont utter any word. Yes, she got the point. Perhaps I am not compatible, not able to give her 安全感, not able to take care of her...
Well, she finally said a cruel sentence to me, " You are just inferior to her. You are not even qualified to be her substitute. "
Perhaps she is right, perhaps she is wrong. Who knows? The answer is with my ex.
posted by -KSY™®- at
4/09/2007 10:46:00 AM
2 Comments:
Why guy always hold such a huge responsibility? Marriage is abt 2 person things, not only man should do all the things. I finally understand y nowadays so many gays, because girls always wan to rely on guys.
to anonymous:
its not that girls always want to rely on guys. how does the guy attract the girls to spend the rest of her life with him? Must be sense of secure, else later the guy beat her, dun give her money, or not able to support her life (even though she may be a working adult), in the end, they divorce. wouldn't it be tragedy for girls? those ppl become gay because they couldnt give the girls sense of secure. like me. useless guy.
world is not fair. girls always being bullied. so guys shd protect their loved ones!
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